K - T, New Movies, Reviews - Written by Crafu on Wednesday, June 3, 2009 23:51 - 10 Comments

Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation

Oh my God! Where do I start?

This is one of the worst films I’ve seen in a long time. A spectaular load of bollocks on every single level.

First the good stuff. Some of the robots / terminators are cool. There are some big explosions. Arnie’s in it, for about 3 seconds. Ummm, that’s about it. 

Right now onto the bad.
 
The plot is rubbish. The acting is wooden. There’s a cute kid, that for some unexplained reason, can’t speak. Christian Bale growls his way through the entire movie . Bryce Dallas Howard has practically nothing to do. There’s hardly an original idea in the entire film. Just about every single action scene has been stolen from somewhere else; step forward Transformers, The Matrix and War of the Worlds. But none of that can over shadow the massive steaming turd that is the script. 

I find it unbelievable that Christian Bale read a full finished script before he signed on. It’s brain numbling, laugh out loud bad. No wonder he was so pissed off on the set.  

Check this – Sam Worthington is on death row, about to get the lethal injection. Helena Bonham Carter comes to see him in hs cell, to try and get him to donate his body to Cyberdyne Systems. Only, she’s dying of cancer. You can tell this because she has a bald head. Sam is relunctant, only finally caving in in exchange for a kiss. Now, if that doesn’t sound  lame enough, GET THIS!

After the kiss he says, and I shit you not here, “Now I know what death tastes like”. WTF!?! What does that even mean?

What you looking at Willis?

That’s not all, there’s loads of this rubbish, line after line of it. It starts to get depressing, then it starts to get so bad it’s funny. 

If you do go see this, and I can’t recommend strongly enough that you don’t,  keep an ear out for the fireside chat between Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) & Blair Williams (Moon Bloodgood). It’s toe curling, excruciatingly  awful. To the point where you’re almost gnawing your fist off before getting up and walking out.

Remember being scared shitless of the Terminator in the first one? Remember seeing the T-1000 go all melty in the second one and going, “WOW, that’s cool!”. Even the 3rd one wasn’t great but the ending was kinda groovy. There is nothing great in this film. There are no cool moments. Nothing has any weight to it. None of the action scenes are anything that you’ve not seen 100 times before and done 100 times better. 

This is beyond a shadow of doubt the worst installment of Terminator yet. Plus, the movie is left open ended; part of a planned new triliogy. I really, really hope that McG isn’t attached to direct either of them, because he’s made a total cock up of this one.

Oh, and apparently Terminators have USB ports, handy if you want to plug in a printer, or charge your iPod. 

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆



10 Comments

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Crafu
Jun 4, 2009 10:36

This guy makes a very good point
http://www.filmroster.com/2009/06/9-reasons-terminator-salvation-was-terrible/

WHERE ARE THE FUCKING LASER GUNS?

Crafu
Jun 4, 2009 10:45

Another good point here:
http://moviechopshop.com/2009/06/02/the-biggest-plot-hole-in-cinema-history-terminator-salvation-abandons-all-semblance-of-logic/

Why didn’t SkyNet just kill Reese when they have him captured?
Shoot him, end of war, SkyNet wins.

But no, he’s left alive. ARGH! It makes me soooo angry.

prendy the great
Jun 4, 2009 11:48

Wow, I mean wow.

Total Film gave it 4 stars mate. Mind you, that mag is going to the dogs.

I’ll let you know my verdict next week. Although, unlike the proverbial ant, I certainly
don’t have high hopes.

Crafu
Jun 4, 2009 12:33

So did Empire and we all know what I think about that mag
If you do go see it, let me know what you think.

Angry from Manchester
Jun 4, 2009 15:03

Massive steaming turd! Ha ha ha ha ha…. awesome!

Sam
Jun 4, 2009 16:21

You need to relax, mate. You are, of course, right on the dialogue details. Except that:

1. Christian Bale only signed on after a re-write was agreed.
2. The re-write was done by Paul Haggis and Jonathon Nolan who have great credentials.

What did you expect, though? Woody Allen?

You should focus on the extremely vivid, post-apocalyptic environment and the way you are introduced to it via Sam. Or the fact that the robots don’t crush House Plants and go “My Bad” (Transformers).

It’s been described as a “reboot” (very over-used, I know). Personally, I was all over the old school tech and the animal cunning that often had to be used in its place. A10s rock.

Admin
Jun 4, 2009 16:47

Point 1 – This was the finish script? They all read this and sat back and said, “Yeah! That’s GREAT!”
Even after a re-write? Incredable.

And as for Point number 2, I agree. When I heard the Dark Knight was going to be in this, I was over the moon. I expected, rightly so I think, a new fresher, darker Terminiator. Something akin to the Batman reboot. This is nothing like that. Not even close.

Sam
Jun 4, 2009 17:03

1. Yes, C- on the rewrite (aside from the cheeky homage on the lines better known lines). Makes you wonder how bad the original was……

2. Why would you make it darker than the Original? That’s like saying “Saw” was not gory enough.

john wallbank
Jun 4, 2009 17:17

Thank god Crafu bought my ticket for this ‘steaming pile of shite’, thats the only positive thing I can add……I even befriended Christian Bale on facebook to tell him firsthand exactly what a festering bag of spunk this film really is….

Admin
Jun 4, 2009 18:03

Not darker than the original. But I thought it would be more inkeeping with the original and not like the progessively kiddie friendly sequels.

And while we’re on the subject, Saw wasn’t gory enough.

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